It appears those caped crusaders of law and order, Lothian & Borders Police, the Keystone Kops of all the police forces, are in the news, for all the wrong reasons, yet again.
They've gone and lost their wee memory stick with a shedful of unencrypted data on it;they actually admit to "...750 entries on vehicles "of interest" to police...", but it's the "...along with 'other' intelligence..." bit that concerns me most, although intelligence isn't a word that is applied to Lothian & Borders Police very often!
Somehow I don't feel that putting confidential data onto an unencrypted memory stick really shows much 'duty of care' towards that information. Perhaps if they hadn't spent £120k on a new logo last year, or sent dozens of their goons to harass the Sheridans, they'd have more resources to allocate towards data security!
Monday 9 March 2009
Tuesday 24 February 2009
Criminal Policing
An interesting article from Mark Thomas in the Grauniad of 3rd February, 2009:-
Criminal policing
Did you know ... police face few sanctions even if their conduct, such as searching you for 'over-confidence', is deemed unlawful
Back in the heady days of September 2007 I was at an arms fair in the Docklands in London, though to avoid confusion I should add I was outside speaking against it, rather than inside browsing. The crowd I addressed was a mixture of Quakers and crusties and for my troubles the police stopped and searched me as I left the event, an incident that I wrote about in Cif.
When the police conduct a stop and search they have to fill out a form giving their reasons and hand a copy over to you. On mine they wrote that Mr Thomas appeared to be an "influential individual" – a quote I intend to use in future publicity – and had attempted to walk past the police with an "over-confident manner" – always a sure sign of criminal intent. Maybe I am wrong, perhaps there is a forensic linkage with having an "over-confident manner" and criminality, perhaps the police routinely chase suspects through our metropolis shouting, "Stop him, he's got a jaunty demeanour!" But I got the distinct impression the police were stopping me because they thought they could.
My rakish over-confidence might be the reason I was stopped but the official purpose was to look for items I might use to commit criminal damage (the arms fair had been subject to a paint attack earlier in the day). So exactly what tools did the police hope to find rummaging through my wallet? Unless my wallet possessed some Tardis-like qualities it was unlikely that a large crowbar might clatter out from between a photo of my daughter and my British Library card? Wasn't this intrusive as well as unlawful?
Although protesters are often targeted for stop and search, often claiming these are unlawful, they seldom seem to put in official complaints. So with the help of solicitors at Fisher Meredith I brought a complaint against the police. Being Britain the first step in a complaint against an official body is for the very body you are complaining about to investigate itself. And lo the police did find themselves innocent.
In official interviews the officers who conducted the stop and search described me as "pleasant and conversational throughout the incident" and thus were "surprised and disappointed that Mr Thomas has made this complaint". Please note that it is me that has disappointed them in this complaint, we had a bond in those moments you see, a brief passing moment of pleasant intimacy, then I let them down. I don't return their calls, ignore them in the street and am later seen being searched by other police officers. In their logic my decent behaviour exonerates their bad behaviour.
So had I been rude or surly would this have implied guilt on their part? If when stopped I had responded by saying, "Fuck off copper", would they have blinked and spluttered, "Oh blimey, you got me bang to rights guv'nor ! It's an unlawful search, an' no mistake." How else are we meant to respond to the police if not politely? If innocent people respond rudely they become guilty by default. Suffice to say the police deemed there was "no case to answer".
So pressing on, the issue was put before the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC). Now the IPCC generally attack the police with all the effective ferocity of a moth taking on a lightbulb. So I was somewhat taken aback when at the end of last year they declared that they "consider[ed] the stop and search of Mr Thomas and the subsequent search of his wallet was unlawful". And that "it would appear that the officers had misinterpreted their powers under PACE (Police And Criminal Evidence Act)". In an earlier point in the investigation the police said they had stopped everyone at the demo with a bag, this the IPCC said was "an indication that the officers did not consider whether or not they had reasonable grounds to suspect each individual may have been in possession of items to use in criminal damage".
Fifteen months after the event the police have been found to be acting unlawfully. So what sanctions do the police face? "The appropriate way to address the failure in standards is that the officer is given words of advice," says the IPCC, "Such advice is neither given nor received lightly and is delivered by a senior member of the officer's management team." I am sure you will agree this is a daunting sanction.
The debate about the use of stop and search – be it protesters or young black and Asian men, be it in the case of stopping knife crime or deterring terrorism – is one that has understandably perhaps been fixed on the police results rather than the times they get it wrong. But it is in the cases where they get it wrong that attitudes towards police are sharpened and the rights we feel we have as citizens practically defined. So I am writing to the police requesting a formal admission of liability on the part of the commissioner and damages for assault and false imprisonment.
In his article MT writes:- "...In official interviews the officers who conducted the stop and search described me as "pleasant and conversational throughout the incident" and thus were "surprised and disappointed that Mr Thomas has made this complaint".... "
That's where I differ with MT, in any dealing with any piggery you have to spit and snarl at them, these are the sort of dehumanised goons that would happily fire rubber bullets or operate water cannon, as it means they get to keep control over all of us. What was the point of it, nothing, yet they'll carry on doing it, all over the country, every one of these servile fucks, yet they'll deny that they have any opinion about the acts they perpetrate, passing it off as "just doing our job....SIR", yet knowing that they won't get taken to task. Then they're baffled why public opinion about the Police is so low and it gets passed off as people not being keen on motoring law FFS!!! Is it any wonder why THEY ARE ALL UNIVERSALLY LOATHED?!
Criminal policing
Did you know ... police face few sanctions even if their conduct, such as searching you for 'over-confidence', is deemed unlawful
Back in the heady days of September 2007 I was at an arms fair in the Docklands in London, though to avoid confusion I should add I was outside speaking against it, rather than inside browsing. The crowd I addressed was a mixture of Quakers and crusties and for my troubles the police stopped and searched me as I left the event, an incident that I wrote about in Cif.
When the police conduct a stop and search they have to fill out a form giving their reasons and hand a copy over to you. On mine they wrote that Mr Thomas appeared to be an "influential individual" – a quote I intend to use in future publicity – and had attempted to walk past the police with an "over-confident manner" – always a sure sign of criminal intent. Maybe I am wrong, perhaps there is a forensic linkage with having an "over-confident manner" and criminality, perhaps the police routinely chase suspects through our metropolis shouting, "Stop him, he's got a jaunty demeanour!" But I got the distinct impression the police were stopping me because they thought they could.
My rakish over-confidence might be the reason I was stopped but the official purpose was to look for items I might use to commit criminal damage (the arms fair had been subject to a paint attack earlier in the day). So exactly what tools did the police hope to find rummaging through my wallet? Unless my wallet possessed some Tardis-like qualities it was unlikely that a large crowbar might clatter out from between a photo of my daughter and my British Library card? Wasn't this intrusive as well as unlawful?
Although protesters are often targeted for stop and search, often claiming these are unlawful, they seldom seem to put in official complaints. So with the help of solicitors at Fisher Meredith I brought a complaint against the police. Being Britain the first step in a complaint against an official body is for the very body you are complaining about to investigate itself. And lo the police did find themselves innocent.
In official interviews the officers who conducted the stop and search described me as "pleasant and conversational throughout the incident" and thus were "surprised and disappointed that Mr Thomas has made this complaint". Please note that it is me that has disappointed them in this complaint, we had a bond in those moments you see, a brief passing moment of pleasant intimacy, then I let them down. I don't return their calls, ignore them in the street and am later seen being searched by other police officers. In their logic my decent behaviour exonerates their bad behaviour.
So had I been rude or surly would this have implied guilt on their part? If when stopped I had responded by saying, "Fuck off copper", would they have blinked and spluttered, "Oh blimey, you got me bang to rights guv'nor ! It's an unlawful search, an' no mistake." How else are we meant to respond to the police if not politely? If innocent people respond rudely they become guilty by default. Suffice to say the police deemed there was "no case to answer".
So pressing on, the issue was put before the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC). Now the IPCC generally attack the police with all the effective ferocity of a moth taking on a lightbulb. So I was somewhat taken aback when at the end of last year they declared that they "consider[ed] the stop and search of Mr Thomas and the subsequent search of his wallet was unlawful". And that "it would appear that the officers had misinterpreted their powers under PACE (Police And Criminal Evidence Act)". In an earlier point in the investigation the police said they had stopped everyone at the demo with a bag, this the IPCC said was "an indication that the officers did not consider whether or not they had reasonable grounds to suspect each individual may have been in possession of items to use in criminal damage".
Fifteen months after the event the police have been found to be acting unlawfully. So what sanctions do the police face? "The appropriate way to address the failure in standards is that the officer is given words of advice," says the IPCC, "Such advice is neither given nor received lightly and is delivered by a senior member of the officer's management team." I am sure you will agree this is a daunting sanction.
The debate about the use of stop and search – be it protesters or young black and Asian men, be it in the case of stopping knife crime or deterring terrorism – is one that has understandably perhaps been fixed on the police results rather than the times they get it wrong. But it is in the cases where they get it wrong that attitudes towards police are sharpened and the rights we feel we have as citizens practically defined. So I am writing to the police requesting a formal admission of liability on the part of the commissioner and damages for assault and false imprisonment.
In his article MT writes:- "...In official interviews the officers who conducted the stop and search described me as "pleasant and conversational throughout the incident" and thus were "surprised and disappointed that Mr Thomas has made this complaint".... "
That's where I differ with MT, in any dealing with any piggery you have to spit and snarl at them, these are the sort of dehumanised goons that would happily fire rubber bullets or operate water cannon, as it means they get to keep control over all of us. What was the point of it, nothing, yet they'll carry on doing it, all over the country, every one of these servile fucks, yet they'll deny that they have any opinion about the acts they perpetrate, passing it off as "just doing our job....SIR", yet knowing that they won't get taken to task. Then they're baffled why public opinion about the Police is so low and it gets passed off as people not being keen on motoring law FFS!!! Is it any wonder why THEY ARE ALL UNIVERSALLY LOATHED?!
Monday 23 February 2009
Police Hate Palestinians Too!
GALLOWAY CONDEMNS LANCASHIRE POLICE ACTION OVER GAZA AID CONVOY.
EXPRESSES GRAVE CONCERN OVER DAMAGE TO COMMUNITY RELATIONS
George Galloway MP, the leader of the 110 vehicle British aid convoy currently in Morroco and bound for Gaza, this afternoon spoke of his anger at the high profile Lancashire Constabulary police action which led to the arrest of nine innocent men who were bound to join the Viva Palestina convoy last Friday.
Six of the nine were released without charge some days ago and are now heading for Tunis in three vehicles laden with humanitarian supplies for the people of Gaza.
But three more were detained in custody for almost a week before being released without charge this afternoon.
George Galloway condemned the timing of the arrests, the arrests themselves and the deliberate efforts of the police to create a story in the press the purposes of which appears to have been to discredit the aid convoy to Gaza. Viva Palestina reports that there was a drop of 80% in donations following the broadcast of the arrests and the police allegations on the BBC on Saturday afternoon.
"Nine innocent people were prevented by the police from joining our convoy with vital aid to meet the humanitarian crisis in Gaza," said George Galloway this afternoon.
"The follow up action by the police, which has apparently included the strip-searching of an Imam and his wife in their own home in Blackburn, has gravely damaged their relations with the community whose trust they need to win.
"Anyone with any sense can see that it is in everyone's interest to encourage Britain's Muslim community to engage themselves in democratic politics. That is precisely what this convoy - and the huge political, and humanitarian effort throughout Britain's often alienated Muslim communities which lies behind it - is about.
"To arrest innocent men in such a provocative and hyped operation will achieve precisely the opposite of that engagement. The timing of the operation is seen locally as an attempt to smear and intimidate the Muslim community and I must say they seem to be right.
"The arrests were clearly deliberately timed for the eve of the departure of the convoy. Photographs of the high-profile snatch on the M65 were immediately fed to the press to maximise the newsworthiness of the smear that was being perpetrated on the convoy" said Galloway.
"I am writing to the Chief Constable of Lancashire to demand an explanation and will consult Viva Palestina's lawyers with a view to seeking compensation for the real financial and public relations damage we have suffered as a result. I will also be writing to the Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, to demand action against those who seem to have abused their power and authority as a police officers to produce this really damaging outcome."
From Viva Palestina.org.
It was music to my ears to hear brother George Galloway MP bitterly decry the goons who interfered with our nine brothers from Blackburn who were on their way to assist in the humanitarian peace convoy to Gaza. The dibble have really put their jackboot in it this time, George Galloway's radio show attracts an audience in excess of 2 million weekly listeners, citizens that will be influenced by brother George's persuasive arguments slating the Police and rightly so. Galloway's lawyers are now busy preparing litigation against the Lancashire Police....here's to a massive damages payout.
EXPRESSES GRAVE CONCERN OVER DAMAGE TO COMMUNITY RELATIONS
George Galloway MP, the leader of the 110 vehicle British aid convoy currently in Morroco and bound for Gaza, this afternoon spoke of his anger at the high profile Lancashire Constabulary police action which led to the arrest of nine innocent men who were bound to join the Viva Palestina convoy last Friday.
Six of the nine were released without charge some days ago and are now heading for Tunis in three vehicles laden with humanitarian supplies for the people of Gaza.
But three more were detained in custody for almost a week before being released without charge this afternoon.
George Galloway condemned the timing of the arrests, the arrests themselves and the deliberate efforts of the police to create a story in the press the purposes of which appears to have been to discredit the aid convoy to Gaza. Viva Palestina reports that there was a drop of 80% in donations following the broadcast of the arrests and the police allegations on the BBC on Saturday afternoon.
"Nine innocent people were prevented by the police from joining our convoy with vital aid to meet the humanitarian crisis in Gaza," said George Galloway this afternoon.
"The follow up action by the police, which has apparently included the strip-searching of an Imam and his wife in their own home in Blackburn, has gravely damaged their relations with the community whose trust they need to win.
"Anyone with any sense can see that it is in everyone's interest to encourage Britain's Muslim community to engage themselves in democratic politics. That is precisely what this convoy - and the huge political, and humanitarian effort throughout Britain's often alienated Muslim communities which lies behind it - is about.
"To arrest innocent men in such a provocative and hyped operation will achieve precisely the opposite of that engagement. The timing of the operation is seen locally as an attempt to smear and intimidate the Muslim community and I must say they seem to be right.
"The arrests were clearly deliberately timed for the eve of the departure of the convoy. Photographs of the high-profile snatch on the M65 were immediately fed to the press to maximise the newsworthiness of the smear that was being perpetrated on the convoy" said Galloway.
"I am writing to the Chief Constable of Lancashire to demand an explanation and will consult Viva Palestina's lawyers with a view to seeking compensation for the real financial and public relations damage we have suffered as a result. I will also be writing to the Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, to demand action against those who seem to have abused their power and authority as a police officers to produce this really damaging outcome."
From Viva Palestina.org.
It was music to my ears to hear brother George Galloway MP bitterly decry the goons who interfered with our nine brothers from Blackburn who were on their way to assist in the humanitarian peace convoy to Gaza. The dibble have really put their jackboot in it this time, George Galloway's radio show attracts an audience in excess of 2 million weekly listeners, citizens that will be influenced by brother George's persuasive arguments slating the Police and rightly so. Galloway's lawyers are now busy preparing litigation against the Lancashire Police....here's to a massive damages payout.
Thursday 21 February 2008
Police Force Logos
Lothian & Borders Police have just spent £120k on a new logo.
If you take a look at the force who police my area, Dyfed-Powys, they seem to have stuck with the traditional badge.
Now if Lothian & Borders had stuck to the old badge, nothing wrong with it, they might have been able to pay the few measly quid in pay rise that all the filth were bleating on about so vociferously, YES I KNOW THEY'RE DIFFERENT BUDGETS! Just making a point.
Actually, I can see their point to an extent, so I've designed a logo that every Police for can use, in fact it should replace all the cap and helmet badges too:-
Here it is:-
If you take a look at the force who police my area, Dyfed-Powys, they seem to have stuck with the traditional badge.
Now if Lothian & Borders had stuck to the old badge, nothing wrong with it, they might have been able to pay the few measly quid in pay rise that all the filth were bleating on about so vociferously, YES I KNOW THEY'RE DIFFERENT BUDGETS! Just making a point.
Actually, I can see their point to an extent, so I've designed a logo that every Police for can use, in fact it should replace all the cap and helmet badges too:-
POLICE
This is who we are
This is what we do
If the relevant chief constables & commissioner would kindly donate their £120k's to NACRO please.
Wednesday 20 February 2008
TOMMY SHERIDAN
A rare celebrity left winger in a vile soup of right wing commentators and the right wing gutter press, I sincerely hope that Tommy and his family, colleagues and friends are suffering malicious prosecution and that, more importantly, they will be able to prove it.
http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/latestnews/Sheridan39s-wife-Gail-charged-with.3794165.jp
Gail Sheridan suffered the indignity of having a bunch of goons ransacking her house back in December causing distress to both Gail and her young child. Now both Gail and Tommy have seen the inside of a cell and experienced the unpleasant fingerprinting and DNA swabbing that the pigs enjoy doing so much!
Tommy was magnanimous after his bail in December saying that he still supported the Police in their pay dispute, here is an extract of what he had to say yesterday:-
"It would appear the streets of Edinburgh … must be crime-free that the police have so much time on their hands that they can harass a family and a group of people who have committed no crime other than be friends or relatives of mine. As a family, we are outraged at the way we have been treated. But we are absolutely determined we will fight on."
Brother, my hopes and prayers are with you.
http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/latestnews/Sheridan39s-wife-Gail-charged-with.3794165.jp
Gail Sheridan suffered the indignity of having a bunch of goons ransacking her house back in December causing distress to both Gail and her young child. Now both Gail and Tommy have seen the inside of a cell and experienced the unpleasant fingerprinting and DNA swabbing that the pigs enjoy doing so much!
Tommy was magnanimous after his bail in December saying that he still supported the Police in their pay dispute, here is an extract of what he had to say yesterday:-
"It would appear the streets of Edinburgh … must be crime-free that the police have so much time on their hands that they can harass a family and a group of people who have committed no crime other than be friends or relatives of mine. As a family, we are outraged at the way we have been treated. But we are absolutely determined we will fight on."
Brother, my hopes and prayers are with you.
A Sheep in Wolf's Clothing
Quick call for backup, someone has overpowered the coppers who attended the mini moto incident and taken their uniforms
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=P2rqJYvuVJg&feature=related
These desperado's must be on drugs as they're giggling over nothing, but what have they done with the coppers who's uniforms they've nicked?
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=P2rqJYvuVJg&feature=related
These desperado's must be on drugs as they're giggling over nothing, but what have they done with the coppers who's uniforms they've nicked?
Tuesday 19 February 2008
HEROIC ARMED POLICE
......except they're not so heroic when there's a chance that the opposition might actually shoot back:-
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7251954.stm
It's great being in CO19, none of that poncing about looking for lost dogs and evicting gypsies, you get to dress in paramilitary uniform, carry big fucking guns and get to use them, THE BEST BIT, you'll never get convicted of murder because everytime you tie your shoelaces you're "putting your life on the line protecting the public" AND "you only get a 'split second' to make that decision to shoot!
It seems to have gone a little 'tits up' on this gig though, you can imagine the scene in the armoured car, a load of armed pigs pumped up and ready to kill...
PCMURDERINGBASTARDWHOHASESCAPEDPROSECUTIONONSEVERALOCCASIONS:"What's the target today skip? Is is a drunk with a hairdryer?"
SKIP:"nope"
PCMURDER...:"Is it a couple of 'terrorists' tucked up in bed and there's 200 uniforms in riot gear ready to kick the doors and windows in for us before we go in and (shoot 'em)defend ourselves?"
SKIP:"nope"
PCMURDER...:"We'll we're not staked out in killzones with covering fields of fire, so we're obviously not (going to be gunning down some armed robbers instead of arresting them and allowing them to be fairly tried in a court of their peers, thereby not violating the Human Rights Act)going to be heroicly foiling a dastardly armed robbery, regretfully having to kill all the robbers in order to protect the public?"
SKIP:"dead on there son"
PCMURDER...:"Wow, you don't mean that we're going to get to chase (an illegal immigrant in a backpack for a couple of miles until he's exhausted and get to empty our magazines into his head when he falls down begging for mercy)an evil suicide bomber who we have to despatch in order to save lives?" "I hope so, I missed out on the last one!"
SKIP:"nope, here comes the guv with details of today's operation for protecting the public"
GUV:"Sorry lads no black men today (hisses and boos), but we've got a brown 'un (cheers, whistles)" "He's a War Criminal"
PCSPG:"What Guv, you want us to shoot Tony bLAIR?"
GUV:"Only if he picks up a table leg and puts the public at risk son. No, today we've got an Israeli General to (shoot), 'erm, (someone shouts "arrest") apprehend"
PCMURDER...:"What's he done guv?"
GUV:"Apparently he's killed a load of Palestinians"
SKIP:"But Guv, the lads want to know what 'CRIMES' he's done"
GUV:"They must've missed those off the warrant, I'll radio Commander Dick (uproar, guffaws, shouts of "she's not 'avvin' mine the ugly slag") and ask for a list of his crimes" (goes to radio Dick)
PCSPG:"I'm not keen on this malarky, I get me dumdum bullets from Mossad"
GUV:"It does appear that killing Palestinians is illegal, something to do with the court of human rights"(uproar, shouts of "this country is going Politically Correct mad" etc.)
SKIP:"Guv, where do we get to (shoot) arrest the gentleman?"
GUV:"Well you need some flashbangs and smoke bombs as we've got to go onto the plane and flush him out"
PCSPG:"Guv, we never use smoke bombs and flashbangs, they're only for use where the suspect is armed"
GUV:"We suspect the suspect (guffaws) may be armed and might be accompanied by several bodyguards who may or may not be armed,(pandemonium breaks out, cries of "I didn't sign up for this") don't 'shoot the messenger' lads (cries of "we'll shoot anyone"), the Met. refused to do this, the Commissioner (all fall on their knees, go moist eyed, face Scotland Yard and masturbate for their great leader)said that we've got loads of 'terrorists' to (kill)(someone shouts "arrest") apprehend, but the fucking Solicitors (hisses, hostility, shouts of "shoot the fucking lot of 'em, apart from the Police Federation Solicitors of course")brought out a private arrest warrant, so we've got to do something"
SKIP:"Guv, the lads are threatening to strike, never mind all that 'no strike' bollocks, the chips are down, none of us are going in if there's a chance we're going to be shot!"
GUV:"But you're ARMED RESPONSE, that's what you're supposed to do!"
SKIP:"Send for the S.A.S. they can do that shit, we'll deal with the 'terrorists', he's only killed a few Palestinians, Christ it's no difference to what we do when we're 'protecting the public'!"
GUV:"What can I say? Dick'll have my bollocks!" ("she's not 'avvin' mine etc. followed by a group discussion) "Right, so we're all together on this one, first we'll say that we can't board the plane until we get permission as it might be sovereign Israeli territory and we don't want to provoke an International Incident (as the Met. refuses to instigate any action that might not be in the public interest), alright we'll scrub that last bit, you're right they'll never believe it. Secondly, we can say that we've performed a risk assessment (sounds of puzzlement) and that there might be grave danger to public safety (cheers, shouts of "nice one guv" chorus of "for he's a jolly good fellow"). Make sure all your pocketbooks tally and don't forget to change some of the words when Skip writes the 'report' for you all. (laughs, shouts of "he nearly got 'appropriate advice' the last time he did that" etc.)
SKIP:"Guv, just one thing, the lads are pumped up and ready to (shoot) (shout of "arrest") 'apprehend' someone, can't we go and let off steam somewhere?"
GUV:"Lads, I've laid out a load of empty cans and bottles and I've got WPCPLONK to paint them BLACK (shouts of "phwoar" "she can paint mine black anytime" etc.), so when you're shooting them you can pretend that they're n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,...asty criminals"
PCSPG:"Guv, Can't I just pretend that mine is a nigger!?"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7251954.stm
It's great being in CO19, none of that poncing about looking for lost dogs and evicting gypsies, you get to dress in paramilitary uniform, carry big fucking guns and get to use them, THE BEST BIT, you'll never get convicted of murder because everytime you tie your shoelaces you're "putting your life on the line protecting the public" AND "you only get a 'split second' to make that decision to shoot!
It seems to have gone a little 'tits up' on this gig though, you can imagine the scene in the armoured car, a load of armed pigs pumped up and ready to kill...
PCMURDERINGBASTARDWHOHASESCAPEDPROSECUTIONONSEVERALOCCASIONS:"What's the target today skip? Is is a drunk with a hairdryer?"
SKIP:"nope"
PCMURDER...:"Is it a couple of 'terrorists' tucked up in bed and there's 200 uniforms in riot gear ready to kick the doors and windows in for us before we go in and (shoot 'em)defend ourselves?"
SKIP:"nope"
PCMURDER...:"We'll we're not staked out in killzones with covering fields of fire, so we're obviously not (going to be gunning down some armed robbers instead of arresting them and allowing them to be fairly tried in a court of their peers, thereby not violating the Human Rights Act)going to be heroicly foiling a dastardly armed robbery, regretfully having to kill all the robbers in order to protect the public?"
SKIP:"dead on there son"
PCMURDER...:"Wow, you don't mean that we're going to get to chase (an illegal immigrant in a backpack for a couple of miles until he's exhausted and get to empty our magazines into his head when he falls down begging for mercy)an evil suicide bomber who we have to despatch in order to save lives?" "I hope so, I missed out on the last one!"
SKIP:"nope, here comes the guv with details of today's operation for protecting the public"
GUV:"Sorry lads no black men today (hisses and boos), but we've got a brown 'un (cheers, whistles)" "He's a War Criminal"
PCSPG:"What Guv, you want us to shoot Tony bLAIR?"
GUV:"Only if he picks up a table leg and puts the public at risk son. No, today we've got an Israeli General to (shoot), 'erm, (someone shouts "arrest") apprehend"
PCMURDER...:"What's he done guv?"
GUV:"Apparently he's killed a load of Palestinians"
SKIP:"But Guv, the lads want to know what 'CRIMES' he's done"
GUV:"They must've missed those off the warrant, I'll radio Commander Dick (uproar, guffaws, shouts of "she's not 'avvin' mine the ugly slag") and ask for a list of his crimes" (goes to radio Dick)
PCSPG:"I'm not keen on this malarky, I get me dumdum bullets from Mossad"
GUV:"It does appear that killing Palestinians is illegal, something to do with the court of human rights"(uproar, shouts of "this country is going Politically Correct mad" etc.)
SKIP:"Guv, where do we get to (shoot) arrest the gentleman?"
GUV:"Well you need some flashbangs and smoke bombs as we've got to go onto the plane and flush him out"
PCSPG:"Guv, we never use smoke bombs and flashbangs, they're only for use where the suspect is armed"
GUV:"We suspect the suspect (guffaws) may be armed and might be accompanied by several bodyguards who may or may not be armed,(pandemonium breaks out, cries of "I didn't sign up for this") don't 'shoot the messenger' lads (cries of "we'll shoot anyone"), the Met. refused to do this, the Commissioner (all fall on their knees, go moist eyed, face Scotland Yard and masturbate for their great leader)said that we've got loads of 'terrorists' to (kill)(someone shouts "arrest") apprehend, but the fucking Solicitors (hisses, hostility, shouts of "shoot the fucking lot of 'em, apart from the Police Federation Solicitors of course")brought out a private arrest warrant, so we've got to do something"
SKIP:"Guv, the lads are threatening to strike, never mind all that 'no strike' bollocks, the chips are down, none of us are going in if there's a chance we're going to be shot!"
GUV:"But you're ARMED RESPONSE, that's what you're supposed to do!"
SKIP:"Send for the S.A.S. they can do that shit, we'll deal with the 'terrorists', he's only killed a few Palestinians, Christ it's no difference to what we do when we're 'protecting the public'!"
GUV:"What can I say? Dick'll have my bollocks!" ("she's not 'avvin' mine etc. followed by a group discussion) "Right, so we're all together on this one, first we'll say that we can't board the plane until we get permission as it might be sovereign Israeli territory and we don't want to provoke an International Incident (as the Met. refuses to instigate any action that might not be in the public interest), alright we'll scrub that last bit, you're right they'll never believe it. Secondly, we can say that we've performed a risk assessment (sounds of puzzlement) and that there might be grave danger to public safety (cheers, shouts of "nice one guv" chorus of "for he's a jolly good fellow"). Make sure all your pocketbooks tally and don't forget to change some of the words when Skip writes the 'report' for you all. (laughs, shouts of "he nearly got 'appropriate advice' the last time he did that" etc.)
SKIP:"Guv, just one thing, the lads are pumped up and ready to (shoot) (shout of "arrest") 'apprehend' someone, can't we go and let off steam somewhere?"
GUV:"Lads, I've laid out a load of empty cans and bottles and I've got WPCPLONK to paint them BLACK (shouts of "phwoar" "she can paint mine black anytime" etc.), so when you're shooting them you can pretend that they're n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,...asty criminals"
PCSPG:"Guv, Can't I just pretend that mine is a nigger!?"
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