HEROIC ARMED POLICE

......except they're not so heroic when there's a chance that the opposition might actually shoot back:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7251954.stm

It's great being in CO19, none of that poncing about looking for lost dogs and evicting gypsies, you get to dress in paramilitary uniform, carry big fucking guns and get to use them, THE BEST BIT, you'll never get convicted of murder because everytime you tie your shoelaces you're "putting your life on the line protecting the public" AND "you only get a 'split second' to make that decision to shoot!
It seems to have gone a little 'tits up' on this gig though, you can imagine the scene in the armoured car, a load of armed pigs pumped up and ready to kill...

PCMURDERINGBASTARDWHOHASESCAPEDPROSECUTIONONSEVERALOCCASIONS:"What's the target today skip? Is is a drunk with a hairdryer?"
SKIP:"nope"
PCMURDER...:"Is it a couple of 'terrorists' tucked up in bed and there's 200 uniforms in riot gear ready to kick the doors and windows in for us before we go in and (shoot 'em)defend ourselves?"
SKIP:"nope"
PCMURDER...:"We'll we're not staked out in killzones with covering fields of fire, so we're obviously not (going to be gunning down some armed robbers instead of arresting them and allowing them to be fairly tried in a court of their peers, thereby not violating the Human Rights Act)going to be heroicly foiling a dastardly armed robbery, regretfully having to kill all the robbers in order to protect the public?"
SKIP:"dead on there son"
PCMURDER...:"Wow, you don't mean that we're going to get to chase (an illegal immigrant in a backpack for a couple of miles until he's exhausted and get to empty our magazines into his head when he falls down begging for mercy)an evil suicide bomber who we have to despatch in order to save lives?" "I hope so, I missed out on the last one!"
SKIP:"nope, here comes the guv with details of today's operation for protecting the public"
GUV:"Sorry lads no black men today (hisses and boos), but we've got a brown 'un (cheers, whistles)" "He's a War Criminal"
PCSPG:"What Guv, you want us to shoot Tony bLAIR?"
GUV:"Only if he picks up a table leg and puts the public at risk son. No, today we've got an Israeli General to (shoot), 'erm, (someone shouts "arrest") apprehend"
PCMURDER...:"What's he done guv?"
GUV:"Apparently he's killed a load of Palestinians"
SKIP:"But Guv, the lads want to know what 'CRIMES' he's done"
GUV:"They must've missed those off the warrant, I'll radio Commander Dick (uproar, guffaws, shouts of "she's not 'avvin' mine the ugly slag") and ask for a list of his crimes" (goes to radio Dick)
PCSPG:"I'm not keen on this malarky, I get me dumdum bullets from Mossad"
GUV:"It does appear that killing Palestinians is illegal, something to do with the court of human rights"(uproar, shouts of "this country is going Politically Correct mad" etc.)
SKIP:"Guv, where do we get to (shoot) arrest the gentleman?"
GUV:"Well you need some flashbangs and smoke bombs as we've got to go onto the plane and flush him out"
PCSPG:"Guv, we never use smoke bombs and flashbangs, they're only for use where the suspect is armed"
GUV:"We suspect the suspect (guffaws) may be armed and might be accompanied by several bodyguards who may or may not be armed,(pandemonium breaks out, cries of "I didn't sign up for this") don't 'shoot the messenger' lads (cries of "we'll shoot anyone"), the Met. refused to do this, the Commissioner (all fall on their knees, go moist eyed, face Scotland Yard and masturbate for their great leader)said that we've got loads of 'terrorists' to (kill)(someone shouts "arrest") apprehend, but the fucking Solicitors (hisses, hostility, shouts of "shoot the fucking lot of 'em, apart from the Police Federation Solicitors of course")brought out a private arrest warrant, so we've got to do something"
SKIP:"Guv, the lads are threatening to strike, never mind all that 'no strike' bollocks, the chips are down, none of us are going in if there's a chance we're going to be shot!"
GUV:"But you're ARMED RESPONSE, that's what you're supposed to do!"
SKIP:"Send for the S.A.S. they can do that shit, we'll deal with the 'terrorists', he's only killed a few Palestinians, Christ it's no difference to what we do when we're 'protecting the public'!"
GUV:"What can I say? Dick'll have my bollocks!" ("she's not 'avvin' mine etc. followed by a group discussion) "Right, so we're all together on this one, first we'll say that we can't board the plane until we get permission as it might be sovereign Israeli territory and we don't want to provoke an International Incident (as the Met. refuses to instigate any action that might not be in the public interest), alright we'll scrub that last bit, you're right they'll never believe it. Secondly, we can say that we've performed a risk assessment (sounds of puzzlement) and that there might be grave danger to public safety (cheers, shouts of "nice one guv" chorus of "for he's a jolly good fellow"). Make sure all your pocketbooks tally and don't forget to change some of the words when Skip writes the 'report' for you all. (laughs, shouts of "he nearly got 'appropriate advice' the last time he did that" etc.)
SKIP:"Guv, just one thing, the lads are pumped up and ready to (shoot) (shout of "arrest") 'apprehend' someone, can't we go and let off steam somewhere?"
GUV:"Lads, I've laid out a load of empty cans and bottles and I've got WPCPLONK to paint them BLACK (shouts of "phwoar" "she can paint mine black anytime" etc.), so when you're shooting them you can pretend that they're n,n,n,n,n,n,n,n,...asty criminals"
PCSPG:"Guv, Can't I just pretend that mine is a nigger!?"